Dutch in online Orangutan porn filth dating thingy

August 16, 2006

Still getting the old News-of-the-World title style.

In a desperate attempt to get mates for their Orangutans, Apenheul Ape Park in Holland have decided to try internet dating.

In partnership with a group in Borneo, the Dutch zoo have set out webcams to allow the Apes entry into the digital age. The hope is that if the apes are able to communicate over the web, and one of them likes another, then they can go and meet up, hopefully producing babies.

Unfortunately, I can see this going one of only two ways. Either the first Orang-face-to-face date will turn out to be a forty-stone trucker from Arkansas, and not a hot seventeen-year old after all, or the apes will master the digital machinery the keepers have so lovingly-yet-misguidedly sent their way, rising up against us under the enigmatic Cornelius. Soon we shall be hunted for sport, or kept as slaves, and no-one will be able to halt the ever-expanding Ape Empire as it hurls aside opposition and crushes our puny nations underfoot. Our only choice is to act now and halt this slide into debauchery! Do you want to be the one, kneeling on the sands by the fallen statue of Liberty, screaming to the Gods at the plight of humanity!? YOU MAD FOOOOOOOOLS!!

Ahem. Either that, or the species might just not go extinct. Which would be a good thing, obviously. If we keep an eye on them.

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