Solar system in extra planets shocker

August 17, 2006

Under new astrologer guidelines, the Solar system officially now has 12 planets.

After two lengthy years of bickering, name-calling and pouting, the world’s leading astro-nutters have finally come to an agreed set of terms for what constitutes a planet. The guidelines are, in laymans terms, as follows:

1. It’s roundish.

2. It orbits a star and not another planet.

Of course, these are the same guidelines that most four-year-olds follow, but the upshot is that Ceres and Xena, the two pluto-sized objects that we’ve been unwilling to commit to, finally gain entry to the pantheon of planetary bodies. Even better, though seemingly confusingly, Pluto’s giant satalite Charon will now be considered a planet too, making pluto/charon a double-planetoid.

Included in the astro-bill is a sub-classification of planets, whereby anything with an orbit of longer than 200 years will be considered a ‘pluton’. Even if we leave aside the somewhat shabby name, which I think sounds a bit like a small child’s word for shit (Mummy, mummy, I need a pluton!), there seems to be no point in this clarification at all, other than explaining what these well-paid professionals have been doing for the past two cocking years.

I mean, really, guys! These are some of the finest minds on the planet. There are astro-physics specialists, astrologers, and leading astrogeologists, all debating and discussing for two years, and they come up with ‘a round thing that orbits a sun’. I could ask a six year old what a planet is and get that answer. Why oh why do these men waste their time for so long, to come back with so little?


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