These fifteen physical laws of Creationist behaviour patterns are as immutable and absolute as the Laws Of Thermodynamics.

ODONI’S FIRST LAW OF CREATIONISM: “The more different Creationists a person can encounter, the more he will discover that they are all exactly the same.

ODONI’S SECOND LAW OF CREATIONISM: “Creationism is not possible without the capacity to believe that any number of physical facts will not exist, so long as you keep ignoring them.

ODONI’S THIRD LAW OF CREATIONISM: “Creationism is directly proportional to the non-accumulation of human knowledge. This is not just the inability of the individual Creationist to learn anything outside the field of Intelligent Design, but also the knack for insisting that human knowledge as a whole has not advanced, and will never advance, beyond what it was a hundred and fifty years ago.

ODONI’S FOURTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “It is physically impossible for a Creationist to offer a correct definition for the terms ‘evolution’, ‘natural selection’, ‘species’ or ‘Big Bang’, no matter how frequently or lucidly the correct definition has been explained to him/her.

ODONI’S FIFTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “Presentation of Intelligent Design as an evidential fact, usually accompanied by highly questionable ‘evidence’, will always be supported at some point in cross-examination with an assertion that it is a matter of faith, thus defeating the whole point of trying to provide supporting evidence in the first place.

ODONI’S SIXTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “The Bible’s status in Creationist thinking as absolute and infallible in no way safeguards its texts from being cherry-picked or quote-mined to suit the purposes of a Creationist argument every bit as much as the texts of scientific papers.

ODONI’S SEVENTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “All Creationists will at some point in their lives declare to other Creationists, ‘They have no answer for this!’ followed by a long-discredited assertion. The Creationist will then prove no ‘Evolutionist’ has an answer for it, by *not* repeating their assertion to somebody who accepts evolution, thus depriving them of any avenue for providing an answer.

ODONI’S EIGHTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “Nineteen out of twenty Creationist assertions preceded by the phrase, ‘They have no answer for this!’ will have been answered decades ago.

ODONI’S NINTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “Even though Creationists copy each other’s arguments ad infinitum, they will all remain smugly convinced, when presenting them to someone who accepts Evolution, that they are saying something completely new and revelatory that the other person has never heard before, let alone repeatedly answered and discredited.

ODONI’S TENTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “In any argument about Evolution, a Creationist will always confuse stubbornness with virtue, self-righteousness with humility, strength-of-belief with factual reliability, verbatim quotes with studious research, confirmation bias with impartiality, ignorance with a sense of perspective, the ideas of the founder of a theory with the entirety of the theory, and Creationist websites with credible sources.

ODONI’S ELEVENTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “All Creationists can be easily drawn into arguing with an atheist assertion by making points that serve only to firmly underline it.

ODONI’S TWELFTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “A Creationist brutally beaten in an online debate will invariably follow a particular pattern of behaviour, divided into four distinct phases;-

1. Desert the website where the defeat occurred for several weeks/months, at the end of which the offending thread will have (hopefully) been buried by subsequent threads, and therefore very difficult to consult.

2. Return to the website and stalk it silently for a few days to make sure the atmosphere from the argument has completely died down.

3. Hesitantly post a new thread to the website, re-stating all the debunked arguments that had been comfortably refuted before, effectively pretending the defeat had never happened.

4. Desert the website again before there is any danger of actually being forced to read any responses to the new thread.

ODONI’S THIRTEENTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “No creationist can tell the difference between a scientist/philosopher and a prophet.

ODONI’S FOURTEENTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “When the tide of an online debate is going against them, Creationists will at some point try to change the subject of the discussion, instead of just opening a new discussion about the differing subject elsewhere.

ODONI’S FIFTEENTH LAW OF CREATIONISM: “Creationists, when embarking on a debate with an atheist, will enter the discussion making the assumption that the atheist is unfamiliar with almost all of the contents of the Bible. Should it emerge that the atheist is in fact at least as well versed in the Bible as the Creationists are, the Creationists will then invariably try to use this fact to their ad hominem advantage. This will be achieved either by claiming that the familiarity is a sign of obsessive hatred of religion on the part of the atheist, thus invalidating his opinion (his opinion would supposedly be more valid if it were less informed therefore…), or by trying to portray the knowledge as an example of the cultural superiority of Christianity i.e. ‘Atheists know all about the Bible, but Christians know nothing of Atheist literature, therefore the Bible is clearly superior’.