Ladies & Gentlemen, Meet The Coalition Government

September 6, 2013

by Martin Odoni

(Before I get any more complaints from Tory supporters with the usual persecution-complex, yes, I confirm this is satire. Sheesh…)

PLEASE NOTE: In response to the July 2014 reshuffle, there is an update at the foot of the page.

David CameronDavid Cameron – a Prime Minister who can’t lead.

George OsborneGeorge Osborne – a Chancellor of the Exchequer who can’t count.

Michael Gove AKA PobMichael Gove – an Education Secretary who’s semi-literate.

Ignorant Drunken ShitIain Duncan-Smith – a Work and Pensions Secretary who’s unemployable.

William HagueWilliam Hague – a Foreign Secretary who can’t read a map.

Owen PatersonOwen Paterson – an Environment Secretary whose big policy is killing large numbers of animals.

Philip HammondPhilip Hammond – a Defence Secretary who sulks when Parliament won’t allow him to attack.

Theresa MayTheresa May – a Home Secretary who always seems to be completely out-to-lunch.

Jeremy HuntJeremy Hunt – a Health Secretary who makes everybody sick.

Chris GraylingChris Grayling – a Justice Secretary who specialises in making trials unfair.

Maria MillerMaria Miller – a Culture Secretary who is an utter philistine.

Eric PicklesEric Pickles – a Communities Secretary who makes everyone want to steer well clear of him.

Ed DaveyEdward Davey – an Energy Secretary of stultifying inertia.

Nick CleggNick Clegg – a Deputy Prime Minister who… um… does… well, he’s… well-well what I’m trying to say is… no, I mean… what he’s there to do is… to… ermmmmm

– – – – –

Ladies & gentlemen, the British Cabinet.

UPDATE 15-7-2014

With David Cameron’s risible attempt at making the Cabinet more appealing by reshuffling it, I decided it was high time to add in some more Ministerial appointments who really put the ‘moron’ in ‘oxymoron’.

Now the Chief Whip.Michael Gove – again! A Chief Whip who can’t get people to behave.

Equalities Minister?

Nicky Morgan – an Equalities Minister who opposes gay marital rights and wants to increase restrictions on abortions.

Anna SoubryAnna Soubry – a Defence Minister who specialises in being offensive. (Not that we mind in this case, seeing who it was she was offending…)

Stephen CrabbStephen Crabb – a Welsh Secretary who has a major problem with the Welsh being allowed to make decisions for themselves.

Penny MordauntPenny Mordaunt – a Coastal Communities Minister who talks about life at sea like it’s a load of balls.

Priti PatelPriti Patel – an Exchequer Secretary who is completely unable to figure out the value of Scottish money.

Ladies and gentlemen, the reshuffled British Cabinet.


4 Responses to “Ladies & Gentlemen, Meet The Coalition Government”

  1. twistedman Says:

    well said that man…..

  2. Don’t seem much like satire to me, seems right on the buttong. But then I ain’t a Tory

  3. hstorm Says:

    Reblogged this on TheCritique Archives and commented:

    REBLOGGED: With David Cameron’s risible attempt at making the Cabinet more appealing today by reshuffling it, I decided it was high time to add in some more of those Ministerial appointments who really put the ‘moron’ in ‘oxymoron’.

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