Angela Pigeon: A True Story
July 10, 2016
by Martin Odoni
(Satire. Sort of. Most of this did happen, but I thought people might appreciate the mild laugh.)
I went to a demo at Piccadilly Gardens in Manchester today. The demo was arranged to press for Tony Blair to be prosecuted for the 2003 Invasion of Iraq. It was not a great turn-out, partly because of other events around the country, especially in London and Liverpool. But it was heartening to find that, even if the human population of Manchester was not widely mobilised, the avian population was well in attendance.
I know this, because, while a small group of us were chatting together after the speeches, this little activist came waddling over to join us; to offer, I like to think, views on Iraq and Palestine.
(While the pigeon’s analysis of the Middle East is unlikely to be in-depth, I should stress it would still be more accurate and insightful than anything Blair has to say in response to the Chilcot Report.)
The poor little lady – well we think it was female – appeared to have a busted wing and leg. As she moved, we saw she was struggling. Her frame was stubby, over-rounded, top-heavy and ungainly. The lame leg and wing were bad enough, but she also had little legs. She was stooping, and had narrow, tired-looking eyes that suggested sleepless exhaustion.
So there the pigeon was, hobbling around, hunched-over, making unconvincing, frequently-aborted attempts to take off, blundering into a scenario over which she had no power to control, battling through a helpless situation against overwhelming odds, and looking around through beady eyes in fearful desperation for someone to tell her what she should do next.
So we decided to name her ‘Angela’.
DISCLAIMER: Our apologies to Angela Pigeon for this extremely insulting comparison. We realise that her contribution to our discussion was easily more coherent and persuasive than anything Angela Eagle said to Andrew Neil this morning. For this reason, we expect speculation to spread rapidly that Angela Pigeon will eventually challenge for the Labour Leadership; the #ChickenCoup is now succeeded by the #PigeonCoup.
Never mind, Angela Eagle, third place will still be better than you did in the Deputy leader contest last year.