Je suis traffic cone

by Martin Odoni

(Satire.)

DISCLAIMER: I do not actually approve of the mob who attacked Iain Duncan-Smith on Monday.

DISCLAIMER OF DISCLAIMER: Well not entirely anyway; it is kind of refreshing to see IDS on the receiving end for a change.

There have been developments after the devastating news of Traffic Cone-gate, in which a group of five individuals in Manchester armed with a traffic cone impacted it against the head of Conservative MP Iain Duncan-Smith, risking serious physical harm. We are happy to announce that after extensive medical attention, the traffic cone is responding well to treatment and is now out of immediate danger.

In response to the incident, the Metropolitan Police have released a statement, advising all traffic cones within the vicinity of central Manchester that if they are “approached by a lone Tory whom they are unsure about, they should immediately flag down a passing bus, or take refuge in the nearest house. Our thoughts are with the traffic cone’s family at this difficult time.”

In unwavering solidarity with vulnerable Traffic Cones everywhere

A Crowdfunder page is being set up to raise money for relatives of the traffic cone.