The Trumps have CoVid-19? Pardon my tin-foil hat, but…

by Martin Odoni

The unchallengeably worst US President ever, Donald Trump, has announced that he and his wife, Melania, have tested positive for the Coronavirus.

Pardon me for sounding like a conspiratorial cynic, but seeing current projections for the Presidential Election next month look thoroughly disastrous for Trump and the Republicans, I am not entirely convinced he is being truthful here. The timing, in particular, looks very suspicious. His showing in the First Presidential Debate this week was so bad, he actually managed to lose it to the near-senile and ineffectual Joe Biden. Trump’s performance on the night has been severely panned globally for its childishness, constant dishonesty, and relentless interruptions of his opponent (with Biden’s own conduct only better by degrees).

There is a lot of talk of a late fightback by Trump starting soon, and to be honest, with the Democrats choosing such a feeble, doddering candidate, there is a genuine danger of that. And this may just be the ploy to kick-start Trump’s renewal. Think about it; –

Just as Trump’s polling position is looking abject, he announces he and his wife have contracted a dangerous disease that has turned into a pandemic. This immediately courts public sympathy, and may even make his critics more reluctant to attack him too forcefully. Then, just a few days before polling day (Tuesday 3rd November), Trump suddenly announces that he and his wife have “miraculously recovered” from the virus and are now in the rudest of health once more! ‘Tis divine intervention, surely! God hath saved his favourite son so he might complete his work here upon Earth. Or words to that effect. Trump uses CoVid-19 to spin himself as The Chosen One.

That would get the Bible-bashers back on-side and mobilised at exactly the right time, yeah?

Of course, if they genuinely have contracted the virus, I do not wish the Trumps actually to suffer or die. But even there, Trump has history that makes me feel less-than-passionate in my hopes for his recovery. Remember him trying to promote quack cures for the virus earlier in the year?

And how about Trump’s ‘sarcastic’ (he says now) suggestion that people should use bleach to wash the virus out of their bodies?

Perhaps one of Trump’s suggested ‘cures’ for the Coronavirus could now be tested… on Trump?

As I say, I am not saying I want Trump to die. I do not. But at the same time, I cannot deny that it would be a cloud with the brightest of silver linings.